I’ve been watching a disproportionate amount of live TV recently (instead of just my pre-recorded hospital dramas) and therefore I have subjected myself to a plethora of festive adverts.
There are two major pre-Christmas themes this year: food and perfume, (interspersed with WH Smiths and xBox/Kinect ads). Don’t get me started on food though – that will be part of another blog – so here I will focus on my rant about Fragrance Adverts. This selection was pretty much taken from random daytime viewing on the Saturday before Christmas. I believe ITV crammed in around 15 ads into all of the breaks and over half were fragrance-related!
- Estee Laudee Bloom
Basically the theme is “Woman in Summer Fields with Andrex Toilet Tissue puppies”. Er, surely the wrong time of year? I did wonder how they got all the puppies to sleep around her, I reckon they must have been drugged.
WTF Factor: 1/5. (At least the puppies get a gig after Andrex dropped them…). - J’Adore
Charlize Thieron allegedly unhappy with Gold takes off all her jewellery and her dress – too thin, too annoying IMHO.
WTF Rating: 3/5. (This ad is however Jane’s favourite and Cate also likes it for another reason!) . - Davidoff Cool
The chap that played Sawyer in Lost took my attention for a moment as he sprang out of the sea in slow motion. No idea what the fragrance was. Sure it was lovely.
WTF Factor: 3/5. I can be swayed. - Beyonce Heat
The cut down version of the ad that was banned from being too raunchy. I did see the full version where it looked like Beyonce was having a very lovely time with herself, but it was giving us all a bit of a “Fever”.
WTF Factor: 1/5 to OTT to be taken seriously. BTW Sheba is using the same music as Beyonce – Sheba Desire! - Beauty
“Beauty the new fragrance by Calvin Klein” It’s touching but same old same old, well the same beautiful stereo typical blonde as usual – is she famous, no idea, but doesn’t make me want to go out and buy the stuff.
WTF Factor: 2/5 - Davidoff Champion
5..4..3..2..1… A manly voiceover counts down as man pumps iron in a gym. Did I mention he was a hot man with six pack? Anyways, focus. “Davidoff Champion – the new fragrance for Men”. But the bottle shaped like a dumbbell, really?
WTF Factor: 4/5. Yep, the body helped improve the score massively, sorry. I have been drawn in. Resistance is futile. - Chanel Bleu
Weird scene of man and girl – he’s being interviewed and is stumbling, flashbacks to past scenes with the woman. “Would you like her to rephrase the question?”. Shots to a woman in the audience, not totally sure she is the same person, guess so. Weird chemistry. Then he says his one-liner then storms off and the room walls collapse revealing it as a cube studio arrangement? “Be unexpected”
WTF Factor: 2.5/5. (Great one-liner though – have to use it one day: “I am not going to be the person I am expected to be anymore”). - 212VIP
“It’s a private party sir do you what private means?” Er, yeah, but do you? Who cares, no idea what this is supposed to be about. Is the beautiful blonde supposed to be going to a secret party? Not sure, but she ends up with the chap at the end. He’s beautiful too. “212 the new VIP fragrance”
WTF Factor: 2/5 - Be Delicious
WTF – first time I have seen this one 11.49 on Sat am. Even though shing, fresh green apples were everywhere I just knew it was a fragrance Ad. I think I have gone mad and tuned into a subliminal agency message drawing me in. Why the “Does it rain for you?” music? “Be Delicious the fragrance for women by DKNY” Is it an apple or a perfume bottle. Whatever, I don’t think I will bother. But I am interested in finding out if it smells of Granny Smiths!
WTF Factor: 2/5. - Boss
“Baby you can light my fire” music and the compulsory beautiful blonde is seen dancing around.
WTF Factor: 1/5. Getting really bored of the blondes now… deciding to refer to them as LHBs (long-haired blondes) - Boss Bottle
Something about night and day, wasn’t really watching. Suave-looking chap in daylight and at night time and compulsory LHB playing some undetermined role. WTF Factor: 2.5/5 - 1 Million by paco rabane
Not sure what this is about – there’s that LHB again, and another suave chap. Something about 1 Million for him and one for her. If only!
WTF Factor: 1/5. So bored of these ads… - Pure by DKNY
Er, there was a weird strapline on this. No humans just bottle shots and stuff. I only caught a glimpse as I thought I had finished this blog…
WTF Factor 1/5. I am losing the will to live! - Givenchy Play for Him and for Her
Is that Justin Timberlake? I think that’s his music in the background. Not sure, just a bit distracted by the fact he and the LHB aren’t out of breath from running up the Eiffel Tower and the fact that his is not getting arrested for messing with the street lights of Paris.
WTF Factor: 2/5. - Dior Homme
“How will I recognise you?”, Oh don’t worry about that.You’ll know when I’m there”. Eiffel Tower (again). Jude Law this time – could be worse. Thank goodness the LHB is there.
WTF Factor: 2/5. - Intimately Beckham Yours
I love David and Victoria Beckham. So this ad is going to be my favourite. Sexy David enters into a lift – the first time I saw it I did not spot it was Victoria in the lift so was shocked to see him being intimate with some random SHORT HAIRED BRUNETTE. Then the reveal. Love it, love it, love it!
WTF Factor: 4.5/5. I will actually go and try this in case David or Victoria touched my bottle. - Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue Man in white speedos (I think the water is cold), woman in white bikini (who does that?). On a boat, dive into the sea, come out up ladder. Water is just a little chilly and start to kiss. He reaches for the ties on her top and then they say cut. Clapper board with “69”. Quite quirky. WTF Factor: 4/5 You do want to be one of them for sure. I quite like this.
- Nina – “the magical fragrance by Nina Ricci” Blondie music – white with red things hanging from the sky. WTF Factor: 1.5/5 Confusing
- Joy of Pink Celebrate Joy – loads of girls in a car with lots of pink streamers. Possibly the worst ad of them all??? WTF Factor: 0.5/5
- Chanel Number 5 Charlotte Gainsborough, no Audrey Tautou…On a night train, in her cabin, sniffing in the corridor, “I’m a fool to want you…” music… Train, Boat, Camera. Sniff again. Ahhh they meet up. WTF Factor: 2/5. Pretty but irritating.
- 55 Fahrenheit Absolute new fragrance for Men by Christian Dior. Man walking across volcanic rocks? Yeah, right. WTF Factor: 1/5. Why?
And if the brands weren’t annoying enough, enter the retailers:
- Superdrug
Ad features the lovely Welsh lady from Gavin and Stacey who only gets away with it cos the comedy show was so good. Chap lurking in a room trying to secretly wrap up her pressie and she asks through the closed door – “Are you wrapping that CK perfume…?” I did like the refreshing escape from the norm of beauty, elegance and sexuality and the daring “keeping it real theme”. But…there’s something still missing. Will I “Take another look” at Superdrug? Nah!
WTF Factor: 3/5 - The Perfume Shop
Amazing Deals now available at the Perfume Shop – until 19th December, er tomorrow.
WTF Factor 4/5. Actually to the point and factual. Can’t go wrong really - Boots
Woman at mirrored dressing table (who has one of those?) and man drying hair in background (do you know a man who does that?). Woman drops heavy hints about running out of perfume and the fact Calvin Klein CK1 is available from a specific place in Boots on the High Street.
WTF Factor: 3/5 I like the keeping it real British humour and combination of perfume + retailer
Now I am looking forward to the travel and furniture sales ads after Christmas, not…
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